Funny girl Janey Godley's troubled childhood is set to be a best-seller.

The stand-up comedienne, who uses her own life as material for her outrageously candid act, has been offered a book deal to tell all. And there's plenty to tell. Janey's dirt-poor childhood in Glasgow's tough East End reads like a social worker's manifesto.

She said: "I was sexually abused by my uncle, left school because I had no shoes to wear, my poor mum ended up dead in the River Clyde and my cousin died from using infected heroin. But I'd hate anyone to feel sorry for me, because I really have had a brilliant life.

"Everything happens so quickly. In January, for instance, I was a stand-up comedienne. But by September I'd also become a playwright, actress and writer. It's been a busy year. My book has to be finished by August and will be released in 2005."

Janey's book is also expected to have a great reception - but the whole thing came about by accident.

She said: "I had been e-mailing big jaggy chunks of my life-story to a pal in New Zealand who is fascinated by my upbringing and he e-mailed them to Random House in London. Next thing I had an e-mail from them offering me a book deal.

"I don't even have an 'O' level to my name. I keep thinking I'll be caught out."

The 42-year-old's enthusiasm and sheer optimism has helped her survive life's cruellest blows where others might have crumbled. But she said: "I don't see things like that. I always think it could be a lot worse.

"I was brought up the youngest of four children in Glasgow. My dad Jim was a steelworker and my mum Annie was a misplaced Hollywood dancer who ended up as a housewife in Shettleston. She was great.

"Although my parents split when I was 12, I remember them being very much in love. My mother was more complex than a Rubik's Cube. She had a lot of problems. I remember we never had any money and I wonder when I look back now whether she might have had a gambling habit.

POOR

"My dad was working so I can't think why we were so poor."

Janey also endured the hell of sexual abuse between the ages of five and twelve - at the hands of her own uncle.

She revealed: "Unknown to me, he was also abusing my sister, but it took us nearly 30 years to report it to the police. Seven years ago, he was jailed for two years. I saw that as unfinished business.

"I haven't allowed it to take over my life. If I ever saw him again, I'd feel sorry for him. He must have hoped I'd grow into a quiet wee woman - but he was wrong." Janey insists that, despite the traumas, her childhood was mostly happy. And, like any kid, she had childhood accidents.

One was particularly serious, though. She added: "I was in the Brownies and once got run over by a car going to collect my Road Safety badge.

"I was so busy concentrating on getting this blooming badge I didn't see the car until it was too late. I smashed my leg and it took a year to mend. I had to learn to walk all over again and I never did get that badge."

"Janey then left school at 15. But she added: "That was only because I had no shoes to wear. That's the honest truth. Although dad always paid maintenance, mum never had a bean.

"Even when we had nothing to eat, my mother would be cracking jokes. She even trained our dog to shoplift for us. He used to nick cans of Ye Olde Oak Ham."

After leaving home to live by the seaside in Redcar, she returned and married her childhood sweetheart.

She said: "I was 19 and he was 18. We've been together for 23 years and we're very happy. He's a private person and doesn't want his name mentioned. He hates the whole showbiz scene, but supports me and says I still make him laugh."

The couple took over a pub in the Calton area of Glasgow, where Janey found a captive audience among regular punters for her razor sharp wit.

She recalled: "I used to write wee stories and read them out behind the bar. Folk used to bring their pals in to hear me. That's where I got my first taste for stand-up comedy." But it wasn't all lager and laughs. She added: "One day in 1982, I was pulling pints when I heard over the radio that the body of Annie Currie had been fished out of the River Clyde.

"It was my mum. She had gone missing four days earlier. She was last seen with her then partner walking by the Clyde.

COPED

"My poor mum. I coped by pretending it hadn't happened. My dad was devastated. Although they were divorced, they were still very close. It was a dreadful time. I still miss her, in fact I miss her more the older I become.

"On my last birthday I was doing stand-up in Hollywood and I couldn't help smiling and telling her: "Look mum. This is for you - I'm in Hollywood."

After 15 years running a pub, Janey was due for a change. She said: "We left the pub and that's when I decided to become a stand-up comedienne full-time. I got myself some 'open mike' slots and started making my way on the circuit.

"I was terrified at first, but people liked me. Now it's like second nature. I don't tell jokes. I talk about my own experiences."

She also does the clubs in New Zealand, Holland, New York, Los Angeles and Scotland, as well as radio and television appearances.

Two year's ago Janey's cousin Sammy Johnstone, 34, was killed by contaminated heroin. Janey said: "I'd just got off the plane from London and my husband said 'Sammy's dead'.

"I was devastated. What a waste. I still feel so angry with him, and sad. I didn't even know he was on drugs. His death spurred me t write my play The Point of Yes about how things turn out for a woman when she says 'yes' to heroin and how things turn out when she says 'no'.

"Life is so precious and I love every minute of mine... you never know what's around the corner."